i miss my cousins. they suck too.

when i was in kindergarten, my dad brought over his brother & nephew from the philippines. they stayed with us for a while until they got settled enough to move out on their own. (settled enough = became migrant farmworkers who, of course, migrated.)

since my half-sibs were not really around much when i was a kid, i grew really close to my uncle & cousin. they were real family to me. more family than the half-sibs. they practiced their english on me (like i was some expert...i was five) and i spoke in broken english & ilocano to them.

when they moved away (or migrated away, to a nearby farming community), another of my dad's nephews came to live with us. i also grew close to him. (i'll always adore him for assembling the barbie van i got for christmas when i was six.)

eventually my uncle & two cousins settled in stockton, and with the help of my dad, my uncle was able to petition the rest of his kids from the philippines to come here. we visited them all the time & my parents helped to get everybody settled & working. it was great being around them. they rooted me in my culture by forcing me to speak in ilocano & teaching me our family's traditions. they made me proud to be part of the family.

in essence, they were the antithesis of my half-sibs.

recently, there's been a lot of in-fighting going on with my cousins & so they've become somewhat divided, just like me & the half-sibs.

what the hell is going on here?

i'm still close to them, but i can only be close to half of them at a time. what sucks is they're fighting over an issue that's probably equally as petty as the beef between me & the half-sibs.

and i can't do a damn thing about it.

really sucks at a time that i want to feel close to my family. my real family.

anya met?