if baby showers suck, filipino baby showers suck more

filipinos have a reputation for amassing large volumes of decorative knick-knacky crap that they shove into every shelf, bookcase & random orifice in their homes, making their houses look almost exacly the same as they did in the philippines, minus the moskiteros (mosquito nets) over the beds & the banigs (straw mats) covering the floors.

my mother & i were invited to a baby shower for the stepdaughter of one of her friends. i originally planned to just drop her off because i absolutely loathe showers of any type and those who attend them, but to be polite, i'm being forced to stay for a little while because simply "making an appearance" apparently ain't gonna cut it.

so i'm sitting in the living room of this gaudily-decorated filipino home on a leather couch that i'm certain had to be purchased from one of those asian-owned cheap-ass furniture stores where they sell sofas that aren't actually meant to be sat on but rather used to fool visitors into thinking you can afford expensive furniture, and on most days are covered in vinyl unless there's company, like today, at which point the vinyl is peeled off, with the hope that nobody will spill some greasy filipino food on it & fuck it up.

i only know a handful of people here, all of whom are over the age of 60 and apparently engrossed in some deep conversation with my mom. and for some reason, the chick who the shower is for remembers all this crap about me like we've been best buds for years, but i swear i've never met her before. how the fuck does she know me? and more importantly, what's her damn name?

so i've got my treo with me, and i've already checked for new feeds on bloglines, but it's the weekend, and most new posts usually don't appear until monday morning. luckily, i kept new karla's latest post, which was an absolute scream, but that was only a temporary distraction from the crowd of strangers complaining about how the people who own this house aren't around to change the station to the filipino channel. (i'm sure you know what channel it is. change it your own damn self.)

until i can make a break for it, i'm going to sit here & blog.

the house smells like most filipino houses on a party day...like they've been cooking all night & probably most of the day before. it's not always a good smell, let me tell you. no matter how much you try to air out a house, you always know when someone's been cooking goat. (and fuck it, wouldn't you know, someone just went & plunked down next to me with a plate full of that nasty, gamey-smelling, rubbery meat.)

god i can't wait to fucking leave.

in the meantime, i'll just sit here, staring at the funky glass tulip lamp, the pig made of plaster, the vase shaped like someone's ass in a pair of jeans (filled with dusty plastic flowers), and the brightly-colored plush parrot. i'm trying my damndest not to barf from the wafting, stomach-turning aroma of stewed pig innards & various unidentifiable deep-fried proteins of questionable origin.

UPDATE (3:45 PM) - finally heading home. hope i make it home in time to toss my cookies.